Not another first blog?!

I know, I know.

The last thing we need is another twenty-something gal with a blog.

Not that there is anything wrong with possessing a blog.

Seriously, I would be lying if I said I never flipped through blog after blog on an afternoon, thoughtfully reading the writers bio after analyzing a beautify-ing tip, or a parently rant.

I guess I have always felt like a sheep, like a super-mega follower, because blogs are cool. I always thought they were!

So, before I become dedicated past two written entries of mine- (I usually only go that far)

I will write this blog for me. No one in particular, though if you care to read, I can promise you that I will aspire to make it kind. I will do my best to make it relate-able for those twenty-somethings, (particularly for those out of college going “now-what?”, who maybe enjoy being involved in theatrics and staying home with a glass of wine and PJ's (seriously, who doesn't enjoy that? Well, I mean just. All. The. Time. And who waste time pinteresting) and to mothers. Or both! Because I'm right there with you.

Let me tell you a little about me...

I am, a mother. In case you missed that last little bit. I have a three and a half year old son, and a nine month old daughter. They are my WORLD (doi)! They make my universe a little brighter, so much sweeter, and my hair grayer. And really, that's tough to do- since I'm only twenty four.

Yep, you read that correctly.

Twenty four!

I have received my fair share of bug-eyed stares for that one, believe it or not!

My son was a product of a shotgun wedding from when I was twenty years old.

His father, is a homosexual.

Of course, I wasn't aware of this until after I had our son.

Until he was approximately year old.

In which, I stayed home with him (my son) a good 80% of the time.

Therefore, I had to start all over again. Education-wise and so forth.

But I was okay with this, because our marriage had been stagnant for a very long time.

Because he was gay.

So this re-inventing myself included getting back on stage at a local community theater.

I was cathartic.

And I loved it all!

I met a man who wore a Star Wars t-shirt, glasses and dark hair who reminded me of a thirty-year-old Bambi. (in the best of ways, really!)

He swept me off my feet.

Bonus! He got to play my fiancée in the play we were performing together.

(and we got to kiss.) Seriously, I hadn't been that giddy since my early teen years. I was like a cartoon, awkward girl with heart bubbles popping around my head with this guy (I typed pooping heart bubbles the first go around on accident, I thought it was hilarious and I almost kept it-but then I thought I should take myself a LITTLE seriously).

So here I am, raising my son, going to school, working on the weekends, and squeezing time between all this to be in complete adoration of this man.

Fast forward a year.

One week prior to us moving in together as a family unit- I found myself with sore boobs and feeling flushed and dizzy. I had a sneaky suspicion I was molding a pre-human in my uterus.

And naturally, I was.

I freaked.

This was not planned. I knew I wanted to have another kiddo one day, and I knew I wanted one with Simon.

But, this was not the right time. We hadn't even moved in yet, I wasn't finished with school, he could barely make enough as a humble school teacher to support himself, let alone a wee one of his own.

I felt alone. Unspeakably alone. No family of mine to bring this in a positive light, for a week straight the two of us tossed and turned in an exhausted fit, wondering “what's next?”

I'll never forget the conversation.

“Why do you think we should keep it?”

I let this question sink in.

“Because he's half me. And half you. And I couldn't imagine anything less perfect.”

(not that I think I'm perfect, but naturally you just know your kid is perfect when they're attached to your uterus. I mean, well-maybe that's just me.)

It was this moment that this man held me tight as he could, and made the executive decision to keep it.

Regardless of us going to be extremely broke.

Regardless of us only going out for a year, and me having another child with another man.

Regardless of a few select people whom I told believed that it would be best if I simply “took care of it.” Regardless of the VERY select people after that who called me, well-choice words after the fact. "How SLUTTY of you to have two kids with two men!!"
toot toot! Next stop: Bitchy-judgement train! Hip, hip, hooray!

So here we are!

In our own cute but modest condo.

Me finishing up school.

He instantly starts up the Speech Pathologist masters program.

And here we are with a beautiful, happy, healthy daughter.

I am. SO. blessed.

Truly, I love this man more and more every day.

I am working one of those 9-5 medical office jobs a street down from our place.

I have a desk with a view.

And I do enjoy my job. I find it hard sometimes, because I work three days a week and I have about five different job titles around the joint. So that's a little tough. But really, if that's one of the biggest things I'm complaining about...

So here I am, spilling my entire being out to those who still care enough to read, I am here to tell YOU.

I know what it's like to deal with the trials of being a stay-at-home-mom. The trials of being a working mom. Of being a single mom. To divorce. To have a son. To have a daughter. To finish college only to start something up all over again. To struggle. To thrive. To learn and love. I know the struggles of not having anyone around for support-mainly family (anyone with a family history of drug, domestic, and emotional abuse, talk to me- I got chyo' back!) To be in a toxic relationship (not currently, I promise), to wonder where the hell it is that you are in place with this world, to question your faith only to make it stronger with God, dealing with assholes who think they know you better than you do-who judge you and define you, I am here. You most certainly are not alone. Talk to someone. You are amazing, and regardless whether or not you don't know who you are in this world, the world needs YOU. This is really just starting to sound like I'm a damn life coach, but I don't have the credentials for that title... so this blog can be an eclectic mesh of ALL the positive things!

Ta for now.